I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
