Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
