yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
