I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
