I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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