could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
