Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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