How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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