I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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