I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
