Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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