if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
