Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
