Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
