i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My ass is underappreciated
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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