Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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