So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
