If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
