Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you never un-have a 4some
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
