Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
