You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
