I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
