I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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