I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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