I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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