just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
