Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
