I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
