Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
