yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
