best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
