It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
