so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
