white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
