the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
