I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My pussy is not your playground.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
