we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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