Your face is a jimmy john
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
