i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
