rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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