Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
