my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
false alarm. still invincible.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize