Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.

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(415): View more from California

Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

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(720): View more from Colorado

New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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(561): View more from Florida

We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which

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(646): View more from New York

Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom

(347): View more from New York

I can't even drink.

(646): View more from New York

The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night

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(386): View more from Florida

Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom

(407): View more from Florida

You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still

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