Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
