Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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