threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
