And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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