i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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