I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
