just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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