I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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