i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love you. Go after that dick
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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