we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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