Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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