I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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