We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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