Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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