I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
