I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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