I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My feet surprised me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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