Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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