ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
