I accidentally had phone sex last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
