So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
