Dual....:-)
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
