I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
