Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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