I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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