things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
