I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize