question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
