If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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