i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
