I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
zippers are such a cool invention
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
