You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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