btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
