There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
