I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
