handjob tips. give me some.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize