she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize