I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
