I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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