At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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