Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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