chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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