Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
