so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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