You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
