Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize