So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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