her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
