It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My vagina is very pro this idea
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
