Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
