i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
