i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
