It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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