dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
